Showing posts with label DATING. Show all posts
Showing posts with label DATING. Show all posts

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

The fine art of dog racing



A long time ago, well, it wasn't that long ago, but in the years, and it seems like another lifetime ago, I went out with a guy who was a drill sergeant in the Navy. I went up to visit him in Kenosha, Wisconsin, or somewhere thereabouts. I hadn't been up there since graduate school in Chicago. Suffice to say, my upbringing in California did not prepare me well for sub-zero temperatures, breath-taking-away wind chill factors, and snow that sent tractor trailers sliding into your rear bumpter at slow rates of speed. The land was as bleak and unforgiving and barren as I had remembered. I got the name Fond du Lac stuck in my head. I wondered what I was doing there, exactly.

At some point, he took me to the dog races. (I am leaving the part out about the strip club by the side of the highway, and for that you can thank me later.) I believe we went to Dairyland Greyhound Park, which has since closed. I don't believe I'd been to the dog races before. It was extraordinarily beautiful, watching the dogs, muzzled, their sleek bodies bucking, flying down the track in hot pursuit of something they could never get. The snow falling.

Sometimes, I miss the dog races, and the shooting ranges, and the whatnot strange experiences. But I guess my mind is like a movie theater, and maybe sometimes it's enough to watch the old movies replay on the screen, even if it is a bit tattered.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Men



Lately, I've been dating. Dating, dating, dating. So ... strange. For a long time, a really long time, I didn't date anybody. Broken heart and all that. But, hey, I'm a "Soldier of Love," and it's the Wild, Wild West, right? ("I'm still alive ...")

It's been sort of strange. Because I'm not a kid anymore. And the men aren't boys anymore. So the game is different. And it's not entirely clear how to play it. If it weren't for Wendy and Lydia, I'd probably never do it, but they regularly deliver swift kicks to my ass, and so it goes.

Mostly, in this illustrious career of mine, I have long avoided writing about my personal life. In part, that's because I was spending my professional time around pornographers, pimps, and sometimes rapists, and you kind of want to desexualize when you're in that situation. You don't want to be the target. You want to blend into the wallpaper. Disappear.

Dating, though, is nerve-wracking. As I informed one poor soul who had the misfortune of taking me out, I feel way more comfortable in a random apartment with a pimp who's showing me his AK-47 than I do on a date. Oh, the vulnerability! The wretched misreadability. It's all so unfuckingclear. I don't know if I speak the language.

One thing I know for sure: I love men. Women are my BFFs, and I love them, too, but I would rather chop off my head than date one. Way too fucking complicated. I love men. Everything about them. Their enigmatic-ness, and their strangeness, and their foreign-ness.

For a long time, after some shit happened, and everything got kind of wiped out, I felt sort of dead. Mostly, men make me feel more alive. So, I'm a soldier of love, right?