I, also, am glad you made it through the long night.
Your brain has changed. You say you feel it changing again. That is phenominal, but probably a bit scary. It happened to me before. I felt my mind expand. I felt the world change. For me- these were, always, positive events. I am sorry you have not always had that.
Enough. Happy heart day- you deserve it... and many, many more.
Merchant Seaman