Yesterday, I was interviewed by a writer for the New York Times Magazine. It's for a story that has to do with new media, including True/Slant, where I blog at Off the Record.
During the course of the interview, the writer asked me about how some of the other bloggers at True/Slant were apparently using their opportunity at this relatively new venue to transition into a new subject. They were carving out a new niche. And when he asked me about that, if that was something I was doing, I realized I had completely forgotten that was my original intention.
For the past few months, especially in recent weeks, I've had a hard time moving forward on a new long-term project that I've referred to a few times here over the last six months or so. For a time, Chris Bishop was illustrating, designing, and building it, but about a week ago, he finished.
And then, there it was again, and someone asking, well, what about that?, and I had sort of forgotten, and I didn't really know what to say. I stammered something to the effect of, well, yes, I had wanted to change, and then, in one way or another, he asked me, well, why hadn't I, moved forward on this new project, and in my head, I thought, I don't know.
I thought about explaining that it was for personal reasons, but in the context of an interview, that would have sounded like I was saying, well, I'm not going to discuss that with you, although, had I said it, that's not what I would have meant. I would have meant, Because I find myself unable to move forward on it, and I don't know why.
Which is how I end up writing things like this.
I wish I wasn't conflicted. Sometimes I think the only reason I am conflicted is because I have the luxury of being so. Internal conflict is a real first-world problem, isn't it? Real conflict, on the other hand, affords you nothing. It points at the decision and screeches MAKE IT, so you do.