I can't decide what to do with the rest of my life and everything is boring. I decide I'm going to win a National Magazine Award. I don't know when the awards are given out, or why, so I decide I'll win one between today and sometime next year. I figure there are three sure fire ways to win a National Magazine Award. Write about something sexy. Write about war. Write about something violent. I figure if I write something about someone stabbing someone, or someone who runs a titty bar, or someone who had something terrible happen to them or did something terrible or was in close proximity enough to something terrible that they became that something terrible's collateral damage, my odds are good. I vow to seek out all things sexy, war-like, and violent in the world. I don't know if I will win, but I will die trying, like 50 cent, if 50 cent were a freelance journalist.