Monday, January 3, 2011

New Year's resolution

I was talking to my shrink today. I've been pretty stressed lately. Mostly, I was OK, until, like, late last week, and then not so much. I'm worried about some work stuff, and wonder why I got tired of doing freelance work for what amounted to, like, 50 cents, and feel like I should be out there doing something, like taking photographs or whatever, just anything, mostly at this point, and some days working on my novel feels like smashing my head into a brick wall, only the wall is virtual and the bricks are the alphabet, and there's other stuff, like, stuff I won't go into here. Usually, I've got a handle on it. Lately, no.

In any case, we talked for a while, and nothing was really helping, mostly because I thought everything he was saying was stupid or something I'd heard already. Obviously, this has no bearing on his ... talents as a shrink. He is really full of himself, so I don't have to worry about hurting his feelings or anything. But I spend so much time overanalyzing myself that therapy can seem redundant.

Eventually, he started rambling on about this really difficult time he went through in his life, and in the process of making some other point, he said something like, "It is physiologically impossible to be anxious and exhausted at the same time." He had exercised himself into being unable to be a spaz anymore. I was like, Hm.

For the past few months, I've been taking these long walks. A couple miles. Seeing as I'm someone who given a choice between "not move" and "move," I will chose "not move" every time, this was a lot of walking for me. So, he was like, "Well, walk further!" Or farther. Whatever.

And I did. Today I doubled my mileage. So, like, 4.4 miles according to my iPhone, although it was probably longer than that, since I was meandering all over the place, and I'm just using the map function. It was cold, crisp, and I had to put my hood on near the end, and half the time I had to pee, but it was good. Now, my legs are tired. But I'm also too tired to worry anymore.

My New Year's resolution is: Think less. I am working on that.